Self-Compassion at Work: Personal Reflections, Research and Practical Benefits

Learning to be a good friend to ourselves

I’ve been studying, researching, writing about and practising self-compassion for around 15 years. During that time, it has become central not only to my professional work as a psychologist, but also to how I approach my own life.

When I first began exploring self-compassion, I was struck by how readily we offer understanding, encouragement and kindness to other people, yet often struggle to extend that same compassion towards ourselves.

We might reassure a colleague who has made a mistake, support a friend going through a difficult time, or recognise that someone is doing their best under challenging circumstances. Yet when we find ourselves in similar situations, our internal response can be very different.

We may become self-critical, question our abilities or expect ourselves to cope with things that we would readily acknowledge are difficult for someone else.

Learning to recognise and change that relationship with myself has been a game changer for me.

It hasn’t meant that life’s challenges have disappeared, or that I always respond to them as I would like. But it has fundamentally changed how I relate to myself when things are difficult.

Rather than adding another layer of criticism or judgement to an already challenging experience, I have learned to offer myself greater understanding, kindness and support.

And I continue to practise this, because self-compassion isn’t something we master once and for all. It’s an ongoing relationship with ourselves, one that we can continue to develop throughout our lives.

Why self-compassion matters at work

Much of my professional interest has focused on how self-compassion can support people in demanding working environments.

Over the years, through my doctoral research, writing, coaching and work with organisations, I’ve seen how easily people can become caught up in expectations about what they should achieve, how they should perform and how they ought to cope.

Many of the people I work with are highly committed, conscientious professionals who care deeply about doing a good job. Yet these same qualities can sometimes be accompanied by harsh self-criticism, unrealistic expectations and a reluctance to acknowledge their own needs.

Self-compassion offers a different way of responding.

It isn’t about lowering standards, avoiding responsibility or overlooking mistakes. It’s about recognising that we can take our work seriously, remain motivated and strive to do well, while also treating ourselves with kindness and understanding when things don’t go according to plan.

Importantly, self-compassion is not a replacement for healthy working practices, supportive leadership or organisational responsibility for employee wellbeing. It is a psychological resource that can help us navigate the inevitable pressures and challenges of working life.

The benefits of self-compassion for organisations

There are potential benefits for organisations too.

When employees develop greater self-compassion, they can become better equipped to manage pressure, navigate setbacks and respond constructively to challenges, supporting their psychological wellbeing and their ability to work effectively.

Developing self-compassion can also encourage greater understanding and compassion towards colleagues, contributing to healthier working relationships.

These are valuable psychological capabilities for organisations seeking to support employee wellbeing and sustainable performance.

Providing opportunities for people to develop self-compassion can therefore complement wider organisational approaches to workforce wellbeing, leadership development and healthy working practices.

Fifteen years of developing and researching self-compassion

One of the most rewarding aspects of my work has been developing the Self-Compassion at Work Programme.

The programme has been through several iterations over the years, each informed by my growing understanding of the research, my professional experience and what I’ve learned from supporting people to develop self-compassion in their everyday lives.

My aim has always been to make the psychological science accessible, practical and relevant to the situations people actually encounter at work.

Over 10,000 professionals have now accessed the programme, and it has been particularly encouraging to hear how people have used what they’ve learned.

For some, this has meant becoming less self-critical when they make mistakes. For others, it has meant recognising when they are placing unreasonable demands on themselves, responding differently to difficult interactions or finding more constructive ways to manage setbacks. It has also helped people recognise that their own needs matter alongside those of others, and to feel more able to set clearer boundaries.

And although the programme focuses on working life, self-compassion doesn’t stop when we finish work. The same skills can help us navigate challenges in our relationships, family lives and personal circumstances.

What the research tells us

The research has been an important part of this journey.

In 2024, my colleagues and I published a randomised waitlist control trial evaluating the Self-Compassion at Work Programme with 190 UK professionals.

The findings demonstrated significant improvements in self-compassion and mental wellbeing, alongside significant reductions in stress and burnout.

Across the programme’s wider evaluation, 92% of participants have said they would recommend it.

For me, this combination of scientific evidence and people’s experiences of applying self-compassion in their own lives is particularly meaningful.

It reinforces the value of helping people develop practical psychological skills they can continue using long after completing a programme.

Continuing to develop the Self-Compassion at Work Programme

I’ve recently relaunched the programme following another substantial update.

It now includes four recorded webinars, a revised Programme Guide and a new Practice Workbook, bringing together practical activities, reflective exercises and a personal Self-Compassion Action Plan.

The four self-guided modules explore:

1. Introduction to Self-Compassion Understanding the foundations of self-compassion and how it can help us respond to pressures, challenges and setbacks.
2. Introduction to Self-Kindness Recognising the impact of self-criticism and developing more supportive ways of responding to mistakes, difficult decisions and personal expectations.
3. Introduction to Common Humanity and Mindfulness Recognising that difficulties are part of our shared human experience and developing greater awareness of our thoughts, emotions and responses.
4. Developing and Maintaining Self-Compassion Practice Consolidating learning, recognising personal strengths and achievements, and developing practical ways to sustain self-compassion.

The programme remains flexible and accessible, taking approximately six hours to complete, with opportunities to practise and reflect at a pace that suits each person.

Although the materials and delivery have evolved over the years, the underlying purpose remains the same: to help people develop a more compassionate relationship with themselves and apply this in ways that support their wellbeing, both at work and beyond.

A practical reflection: What would you say to a friend?

One of the simplest ways to begin developing self-compassion is to consider how we respond to ourselves compared with how we might respond to someone we care about.

Think about a recent situation at work that you found difficult. Perhaps something didn’t go as planned, you felt you hadn’t done enough, or you were disappointed in how you handled something.

Consider three questions:

1. What did you say to yourself?Notice the words, tone and expectations you brought to the situation.
2. What would you say to a good friend or colleague in the same circumstances?How might you acknowledge their feelings, offer perspective or encourage them?
3. What might change if you offered yourself some of that same understanding and support?

You don’t need to pretend that everything is fine or dismiss what happened. You can acknowledge the difficulty, take responsibility where appropriate and consider what you might learn, without being unnecessarily harsh towards yourself.

This is one of the things I value most about self-compassion. It allows us to be both honest and kind with ourselves.